That's Not What He Wants – Junyuan Bags

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Ready for a dose of reality? Bags

I’ve scoured the internet to find all the best Valentine’s Day gift lists. And what I have to report back is … not great. Half of them had me wondering if these people had ever met a man. Look, everybody is different, and that’s terrific. But I have yet to meet the man who wants a personalized throw-pillow. But there it was, appearing on two different lists as a “great” idea! So just let me assure you: that’s not what he wants.

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I know what you’re wondering. Another list with the same generic ideas? But I promise you, Ryan would not disapprove of any of these gifts.

Don’t get this:
A fishing lure engraved with “my best catch” and the date of your wedding. It’s adorable, we get it. But it’s not gonna help him land a 20-pound largemouth bass.

Try this instead:
Every angler has their favorite gear, and on the whole, they’re a highly superstitious group of people. My grandfather had a habit of pouring out the first beer of the day as a tribute to the fishing gods. (I ate a lot of lake trout growing up, so it must have appeased *someone*.) But my point is, get what you know they’ll like. If you’re not sure, get them a gift card to their favorite bait and tackle shop. I know it seems impersonal, but trust me, this is what they live for.

Don’t get this:
Coffee mug. “But he loves coffee!” Of course he does. You have kids––how else is he supposed to stay awake on yet another Zoom conference call? But when was the last time you saw him sit down and actually drink it in peace? Face it, that won’t happen again until you retire and move to Florida with everybody else.

Try this instead:
This actually isn’t too far off the mark, it just needs a slight correction. Get a nice thermos instead. It’ll keep that caffeinated jolt hot until he can finally get around to drinking it. You can personalize the mug just for him, or get some SHITI Coolers stickers he can slap on there to make it his own.

Don’t get this:
A personalized pillow. I don’t even know what to do with this. Don’t get me wrong, I love a nice pillow. But that’s because I use it. A pillow that I can’t use is like a pair of shoes I can’t ever wear. And yes, I know people have those, but I don’t understand that either.

Try this instead:
If you’re determined to get him something cozy because you live in the frozen North, consider moving somewhere warm. Apart from that, a super comfortable indoor/outdoor blanket will always be a hit. Just promise me you won’t steal it from him.

Don’t get this:
New lingerie.

Actually, what am I saying?? Absolutely get that!

Jade said we should add more Ryan Gosling GIFs, so here you go…

Don’t get this:
Laser engraved crystal. I will admit these can look cool, but I’m just not sure what to do with it. Is it a paperweight? Do I just leave it on top of my dresser or take it to work? And I just know eventually I’m going to break it. That’s too much pressure.

Try this instead:
If you want to engrave something, try a pocketknife. A foldable blade is always useful and your significant other can carry it regularly, reminding him of you and everything that makes your relationship special. Consider engraving a significant date in your relationship or an inside joke that just the two of you share. Bags